there are a great many things that sabotage my motivation. most of them have to do with my moods -- if i'm happy, i eat. if i'm sad, i eat. and when things are really good or really bad, i feel like worrying about a diet is the last thing i should be doing. i'm all about rewards and comfort food.

so here we are.

my aunt is in the hospital right now, and it doesn't look like she'll be with us too much longer. things like this make me want to forget about a stupid diet. there's so much more to worry about: how long will she live? what will happen to her husband? her beloved animals? will her wishes be carried out? will my parents and i have to be the ones to ensure that they are?

really, with all these things to think about, does it make sense to be counting every calorie?

normally i'd say no, but today -- well, today i'm going to try looking at this a different way. the best thing i can do right now is be there for my family. and if i'm taking care of myself, i'll be better able to take care of them.

and each day i put off making this change, the further i get from my goal, and from a healthy lifestyle. making this change now ensures that i'm doing all i can to live a good, long life. and that will enable me to be there for my parents when they get older.

every day makes a difference.

so here we are. the other night, i went for a walk in the rain. i even jogged for a quarter of a mile. and today, i'm not going to give in and get pizza to make me feel momentarily better. because eating that pizza won't make my aunt any better. and once that moment of good food is over, i'll be left right where i was before, but with the added weight of disappointment.

i'm making a promise to myself, and i intend to keep it.