for the record:
chest: 49"
waist: 46"
hips: 52.75"
left bicep: 15.5"
right bicep: 14.75"
left thigh: 30.5"
right thigh: 30.5"
left calf: 16.5"
right calf: 16"
yuck.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
operation idina abs
okay, so, like usual, i need motivation to do this shit. my motivation right now? i'm going to be seeing idina menzel in concert at the end of march. and i'm planning to meet her after the show, which means it's time to get my ass a little skinnier.
and what better inspiration for getting thin for idina than idina herself. her pre-pregnancy abs were smokin'. HOT. and her arms are also amazing. so, the current name of my project to get thinner before the end of march is called operation idina abs.
ready to be assaulted by photos of idina's amazing abs? of course you are.
hot damn, idina.
oh, and her bikram yoga abs. jesus.
oh no, here they come. watch out!
DAMN, girl. those things are lethal. and i love them. and they are my inspiration right now. gotta lose this fucking weight.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
low point. low point.
11 pounds gone in three weeks. and my grand total is now up to 33 pounds lost. i'm happy. very happy.
and very unhappy, too. something happened the other day that i haven't even been able to discuss with my wife. i'm embarrassed, ashamed, and a little scared of what it says about my current mental and emotional state. back when i was in high school, i took dieting to the extreme. i became obsessed with limiting my calories down to practically nothing. the longer i could go, the better i felt. it was almost like an addiction, that extra minute of hunger, that one bite less each meal. i lost lots of weight, but i also ended up getting sick because of it.
when i started dieting again during the spring, i felt that familiar rush at being able to control my eating. controlling the calories, making myself wait as long as possible despite the hunger pains. and each time i put something in my mouth, i feel guilty about it. those were the trademarks of my previous experience, but i really didn't think about myself being in any true danger this time. i like food too much now to go completely without.
but then tuesday happened. it was a horrible day, and after i dropped my wife off at the house to shovel so i could get into the driveway, i drove around and ended up at wendy's, depressed and starving. knowing that i'd have to go home and shovel, i figured i should eat something to keep up my strength. so i got a large fry. i ate about half and was totally disgusted with myself. they tasted nasty, i felt nasty, and i wanted them gone. and so i did something that i've never done before -- i tried purging. i failed, of course, after several rounds of gagging. nothing came up. and i kept thinking about all that fat and all those calories.
and that terrifies me. in all my years of food guilt and starving myself, i never once tried purging. i would once in a while get some chocolate and chew it, then spit it out. but i never tried to make myself throw up.
i don't think i'll ever do that again. i think it was a moment of desperation. i felt so out of control because of what happened at work, and i think my mind just went to that dark place momentarily. but i don't see it happening again.
still, it happened. and i feel so ashamed of it. so ashamed that i haven't been able to tell my wife. what would i say? i ate fries and tried to barf them up? i don't want her worrying. because i don't think there's any real reason to worry about me doing that again. or even starving myself, because i love food waaaaaaaaay too much. but i had to get it out so she could at least read it, and here it is.
don't worry, sweetie. i promise i'm okay.
and very unhappy, too. something happened the other day that i haven't even been able to discuss with my wife. i'm embarrassed, ashamed, and a little scared of what it says about my current mental and emotional state. back when i was in high school, i took dieting to the extreme. i became obsessed with limiting my calories down to practically nothing. the longer i could go, the better i felt. it was almost like an addiction, that extra minute of hunger, that one bite less each meal. i lost lots of weight, but i also ended up getting sick because of it.
when i started dieting again during the spring, i felt that familiar rush at being able to control my eating. controlling the calories, making myself wait as long as possible despite the hunger pains. and each time i put something in my mouth, i feel guilty about it. those were the trademarks of my previous experience, but i really didn't think about myself being in any true danger this time. i like food too much now to go completely without.
but then tuesday happened. it was a horrible day, and after i dropped my wife off at the house to shovel so i could get into the driveway, i drove around and ended up at wendy's, depressed and starving. knowing that i'd have to go home and shovel, i figured i should eat something to keep up my strength. so i got a large fry. i ate about half and was totally disgusted with myself. they tasted nasty, i felt nasty, and i wanted them gone. and so i did something that i've never done before -- i tried purging. i failed, of course, after several rounds of gagging. nothing came up. and i kept thinking about all that fat and all those calories.
and that terrifies me. in all my years of food guilt and starving myself, i never once tried purging. i would once in a while get some chocolate and chew it, then spit it out. but i never tried to make myself throw up.
i don't think i'll ever do that again. i think it was a moment of desperation. i felt so out of control because of what happened at work, and i think my mind just went to that dark place momentarily. but i don't see it happening again.
still, it happened. and i feel so ashamed of it. so ashamed that i haven't been able to tell my wife. what would i say? i ate fries and tried to barf them up? i don't want her worrying. because i don't think there's any real reason to worry about me doing that again. or even starving myself, because i love food waaaaaaaaay too much. but i had to get it out so she could at least read it, and here it is.
don't worry, sweetie. i promise i'm okay.
Friday, January 28, 2011
catching up
believe it or not, i've lost a total of 8 pounds over the past 2 1/2 weeks. which means i've lost all the weight i put on over the fall, and i'm back to a grand total of 30 pounds gone. i'm so happy.
now comes the fun part, where i go above 30. i have about 100 pounds to lose still, but i'm going to take it one day at a time. it wasn't too hard to get to 30, so i can take it on. it's going to feel so good to get this weight off, and hopefully this time i can keep it off. moderation is the key. if i want something bad, i'll have it. but 90% of the time i'll be good. that works for me. not total deprivation, because that's just not realistic.
plus, i have the motivation of having an old friend come to visit in june. i haven't seen her since 2001, and i've put on quite a lot of weight since then, so i'm a little nervous. i always get this way when seeing old friends. i feel embarrassed, and self-conscious. i don't even like having pictures of me tagged on facebook, because then everyone can see how fat i've gotten. so this visit will be a great motivation to stick to the plan and lose the damn weight.
just gotta keep thinking about idina and tessa and taylor. what would taylor schilling do?
now comes the fun part, where i go above 30. i have about 100 pounds to lose still, but i'm going to take it one day at a time. it wasn't too hard to get to 30, so i can take it on. it's going to feel so good to get this weight off, and hopefully this time i can keep it off. moderation is the key. if i want something bad, i'll have it. but 90% of the time i'll be good. that works for me. not total deprivation, because that's just not realistic.
plus, i have the motivation of having an old friend come to visit in june. i haven't seen her since 2001, and i've put on quite a lot of weight since then, so i'm a little nervous. i always get this way when seeing old friends. i feel embarrassed, and self-conscious. i don't even like having pictures of me tagged on facebook, because then everyone can see how fat i've gotten. so this visit will be a great motivation to stick to the plan and lose the damn weight.
just gotta keep thinking about idina and tessa and taylor. what would taylor schilling do?
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
back to reality
i'm back, kids. back with a renewed quest for health and less-fat-than-i-am-now-ness.
before the fall, i had lost 30 pounds. and i was extremely proud of it. i was able to get into a size 20, which is something i haven't seen in many, many years. and i felt great. but then vacation happened, and i fell off the wagon. after four months of eating whatever i wanted, i gained back 8 of those pounds.
but after two weeks back on the diet, i've lost 6 of those 8 pounds. not too bad. i was hoping for a better number, but i'll take it. i'm exercising every day, i'm eating a ton of fresh, healthy food. and i feel great.
still inspired by one ms. taylor schilling (a.k.a. skinny little bitch), and miss tessa virtue. but i've also rekindled my love -- uh, i mean admiration -- for idina menzel. she's not super skinny anymore, but i like that about her. she's always been a solid figure, and that's cool. but i will admit that her bikram yoga body was smokin'.
damn. look at those freaking abs. you won't see me doing bikram, though. i'll just have to settle for her post-pregnancy tummy. and i can live with that.
before the fall, i had lost 30 pounds. and i was extremely proud of it. i was able to get into a size 20, which is something i haven't seen in many, many years. and i felt great. but then vacation happened, and i fell off the wagon. after four months of eating whatever i wanted, i gained back 8 of those pounds.
but after two weeks back on the diet, i've lost 6 of those 8 pounds. not too bad. i was hoping for a better number, but i'll take it. i'm exercising every day, i'm eating a ton of fresh, healthy food. and i feel great.
still inspired by one ms. taylor schilling (a.k.a. skinny little bitch), and miss tessa virtue. but i've also rekindled my love -- uh, i mean admiration -- for idina menzel. she's not super skinny anymore, but i like that about her. she's always been a solid figure, and that's cool. but i will admit that her bikram yoga body was smokin'.
damn. look at those freaking abs. you won't see me doing bikram, though. i'll just have to settle for her post-pregnancy tummy. and i can live with that.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
on holiday
it's been a long time. going on vacation threw me off my game, and my new desk at work doesn't really allow me to sneak in those morning blog entries. so here i am.
i'm up to 17 pounds now, which is good. but i wish i could be making better progress. it's been two months. i really need to step up my workouts. of course, i just got the jillian michaels 30 day shred video, and she's kicking my ass. it nearly killed me last night. but it'll definitely do the trick.
right now the wife is away, which usually means that i don't do anything. but i've been eating well, and exercising every day. so i guess that's good.
but really, i have to get my ass in gear. i have only five months until skate canada, where i will be purchasing a new wardrobe from roots. so i need to lose a lot of weight by then. plus, we're going to train to climb the thousand islands skydeck on the way into canada, so i have to be in wicked good shape by then. oh, and we're going to acadia at the beginning of that month, so i'll need to be in good enough shape to do those tough trails.
gah! need to get in gear!
how am i going to do it without my weekly dose of taylor schilling?
guess i'll just have to look to that cutie tessa virtue.
i'm up to 17 pounds now, which is good. but i wish i could be making better progress. it's been two months. i really need to step up my workouts. of course, i just got the jillian michaels 30 day shred video, and she's kicking my ass. it nearly killed me last night. but it'll definitely do the trick.
right now the wife is away, which usually means that i don't do anything. but i've been eating well, and exercising every day. so i guess that's good.
but really, i have to get my ass in gear. i have only five months until skate canada, where i will be purchasing a new wardrobe from roots. so i need to lose a lot of weight by then. plus, we're going to train to climb the thousand islands skydeck on the way into canada, so i have to be in wicked good shape by then. oh, and we're going to acadia at the beginning of that month, so i'll need to be in good enough shape to do those tough trails.
gah! need to get in gear!
how am i going to do it without my weekly dose of taylor schilling?
guess i'll just have to look to that cutie tessa virtue.
[i LOVE the person who screencapped this. it was from the NBC post-closing olympic ceremony show, and when i saw that two seconds of tessa, i wished that i had a photo of her at that moment. so cute. so, thankyouthankyouthankyou fellow livejournal tessa junkie. i'm still not ready to erase it from my DVR, but i'm happy that there's a stillshot out there on the net.]
but anyway. yes. tessa. inspiration.
in all seriousness, who wouldn't want to have a body like hers? she's a freakin' powerhouse.
tessa, be my guide.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
what would taylor schilling do?
11 pounds. five weeks and 11 pounds down. only 139 pounds to go. seems like such an impossible feat, but i'm committed to making it happen. and it's gotten easier. i got over that second week slump where you feel like your body is going to eat itself because you're so hungry. and i got past the fourth week slump where you wonder why you're still doing this and you just want to go back to eating normally again. now i'm closing in on week six, and it's not so hard anymore. i don't get nearly as hungry, and i have more energy for exercising.
the other night, at the track, on my sixth lap of walking, i suddenly remembered taylor schilling. what would she do? would she wimp out on running because she was tired and hungry? hell no. she'd get that skinny little ass in gear and run. so run is what i did. and i was able to run for longer distances. i'm so proud of myself. made me almost want to go out to the track last night and repeat my performance. except that last night was strength training and boxing night. also housework night.
oh, and -- taylor schilling night. new episode of "mercy." you can bet your ass that my ass was on the couch for that hour. gotta love those dimples.
the other night, at the track, on my sixth lap of walking, i suddenly remembered taylor schilling. what would she do? would she wimp out on running because she was tired and hungry? hell no. she'd get that skinny little ass in gear and run. so run is what i did. and i was able to run for longer distances. i'm so proud of myself. made me almost want to go out to the track last night and repeat my performance. except that last night was strength training and boxing night. also housework night.
oh, and -- taylor schilling night. new episode of "mercy." you can bet your ass that my ass was on the couch for that hour. gotta love those dimples.
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