my brain is on overdrive. so much has been going on over the past month or so, and i feel like i'm drowning. i feel like i can never escape the noise of the day, be it in my ears or in my head. i keep struggling for a little downtime to catch my breath, but i never seem to get it. i feel tired. so tired. so fried.

i have millions of things i want to do and accomplish, and i never do any of them because i'm so struck down by the day-to-day. how can i pursue my dreams when i can hardly manage to go to work and cook and work out without being exhausted?

maybe i should make a list of the things i want, or the things i want to do. i suppose i can't really formulate a plan for accomplishing goals if i don't actually write down what those goals are. so, here goes:

1. i want to have a family. i want my wife and i to have a baby. i'd love to have a few kids, but honestly, one would be fine. i want this more than almost anything.

2. i want to work on a collaborative writing project with my wife (and not just our on-going shared story that we do every day). i want us to publish something, to maybe do something that could make a difference in the lives of LGBT kids or teens or adults. i want to do something to help others, and writing seems to be the best way to do it.

3. i want to get rid of everything and have a beautiful, organized home. i was a bit of a hoarder, and our house is full of stuff that we have no room for. it's time to do a total overhaul and declutter and get out our prized possessions so we can enjoy them. right now they're all packed away in boxes.

4. i want to lose weight and get in shape. this is something i'm working on, but it's going to take a long time and a lot of hard work to get where i want to be. losing weight and getting in shape will help me be healthier and feel better, and it's something i absolutely have to do.

5. i want to have the time and energy to enjoy hobbies like photography and art. i want to create more. i want to go back to teaching myself how to play the guitar. i want to make movies with my wife.

6. i want to figure out how to just be me.

a lot of hard work there. so many things need to happen or be done in order to make these dreams a reality. but i suppose i just have to take it one step at a time.

i'm hoping to catch a little quiet time this weekend to regain my focus and figure out what i have to do. i'm not getting any younger. now's the time.